Get It Right (The art of conflict resolution)

Conflict is a fact of life when you lead teams. It can be addressed in a way that minimises the pain that conflict creates for people, leaving the team intact and the focus on the future. On the other hand we’ve probably all experienced the devastating damage that teams are plagued by when they handle issues between them poorly.

Without what I sometimes call “The Rules of Engagement” a simple misunderstanding or a minor disagreement can quickly spiral downwards into heated and bitter arguments, spawning gossip and innuendo, becoming excessively personal, embroiling a whole team in the mess, and ultimately making the workplace a really unpleasant place to be.

One simple solution that I’ve witnessed begin the healing process in some wounded teams is a formula I use called “Get It Right”. When teams Get It Right they keep each other responsible for communicating in a way that’s healthier for the team. If we have an issue with another member of the team here’s a way to Get It Right…

Right Time
Right Place
Right Heart

Right Time – Before I launch into my response, I stop to consider if this is the right time. For instance is the other person so busy or emotional right now that they’re unlikely to be receptive? Does this need to be addressed right now or is there a better time? There’s a lot of truth in the saying that ‘timing is everything’ and many disagreements would be resolved sooner if people considered timing instead of simply reacting.

Right Place – If it’s the right time, where is the right place to take this on? The right place has to start with the person I have a disagreement with. Not gossiping with other members of the team, or bypassing the person to complain to their boss. I’d also consider the best location for the conversation. It’s almost always going to be somewhere that others won’t overhear it. Immature teams just ‘have it out’ in front of everybody, dragging others into the damage.

Right Heart – Lastly if it’s the right time and place, is my heart right? Do I need to address my own motives or emotional baggage here? We tend to believe that the other person is simply wrong, but often conflict really says more about ourselves that we’d like to admit. Do I just need to be a bigger person? Would this discussion be better after I’ve given myself a day to cool down and get a little perspective back? That’s a mark of maturity. When we argue with someone and our own heart is not right, all too often they dismiss the truth in what we say because it comes loaded with our personal agenda.

Imagine what it would be like to build that sort of culture in your team. Molehills wouldn’t become mountains. Disagreements wouldn’t destroy teams. Instead we’d remind each other to Get It Right for the sake of the group. That sounds like a great team to work with.

** Next edition we'll be launching a brand new product from Innovation Coaching - "Foundations of Coaching", a one day workshop for leaders... stay tuned! **